Why? I’m your mother!!!

Is there anything more scary than evil kids?
No there isn’t!
And if you think there’s something more scary than that I would love to hear it, as a matter of fact, if you can think of anything more scary than that and clowns are not an option, I would love to have you a guest blogger on this blog.

I was watching The Omen, the old one not the remake, that movie made me think of what would I do if I gave birth to an evil baby, not an easy think to ponder.

Baby Damien

First, I realized that I would have to be a woman to give birth, but let’s not dwell on that.
Now little evil is born, all is happiness, room is ready to welcome little evil, plenty of toys, cuz husband is rich, we have a huge house and a governess, because I’m too busy blogging to take care of little evil.

Little evil is 5 now, I want to take him to church and he beat the hell out me in the car, let me tell you something, he could be a gift from Satan but no 5yo is kicking my ass in public, I would drag him,  take him into church and witness how he melted or turned to ashes as soon as we crossed the door, granted it would have been a shock, but he would have learned a lesson, you don’t hit mom.
Do not judge me, at that point I was not aware he was the seed of Lucifer.

Let’s say he got away with kicking my ass and we went back home, rich husband bought him a little tricycle which he uses to slam it against the stool I’m using the water my petunias causing me to fall from the second floor of our mansion.
Little evil is determined to take me down.
But why? I would ask him.
What have I done to you?
I’ve given the best years of my thighs!
I fed you, I changed your diapers!
Kill your dad and let’s share his money, you go your own way and I go mine, I would just ask you to spare me the 666, tattoos don’t look good on me.
Why you wanna kill me?
I’m your mother damn it!

Then he would realize of all the pain he’s inflicted me, would reach for a hug and bang!
I would put my hand on his face and say:
In your face! I’m not your mother, your mother was bitch (literally), you are adopted! Ha!
How does it feel? Now go on, save all the money you’ll make cuz you’ll need therapy the rest of your life.

Mother of the year, Im not, but he is not an exemplary son either, we are a dysfunctional family.

Fathers suffer too, but I’ll talk about it later on.

About these ads