Madam Makeup and Her Skanks
This is an in-depth analysis of a TV show called Plain Jane. If you don’t know the show (I didn’t know it till the day my friend and I watched 2 episodes in a row), this is your chance to avoid it.
Plain Jane, from here on referred to as “Madam Makeup and Her Skanks” or “Mary Poppins for Sluts” (shame on you if you came here looking for July Andrews’ sex tape), is a show where this woman picks a girl and gives her a makeover and prepares her for a blind date with a guy who has never noticed her. End of the post.
Noooooo, this is not the end of the post. See, I got really pissed watching that show. The girls featured on the show are far from being ugly, of having issues worthy of a makeover. What happens is that they are not up to the standards of the dumb whatever her face is, the Madam who hosts the show. They are usually (and I say usually based on the 2 episodes I watched) sporty girls, girls who don’t like to wear makeup nor heels and are grossed out by the thought of wearing a dress. You see anything wrong with that? Cool, cuz I didn’t either.
Having set the show up for you, I’m gonna sum up what happens on it. Stop me if you’ve had enough (ha! you can’t stop me).
-Normal girl is picked up.
-Normal girl is put down because she is normal.
-Once normal girl is down and feeling miserable, Mary Poppins for Sluts tells her she will help her see the true her.
-True “Her” is defined.
-True Her is given a challenge to face her fears.
-Challenge consists of putting herself out there for guys.
-Guys are always actors and gay.
-Nothing wrong with gay actors. They act.
-Mary Poppins for Sluts goes clothes shopping with True Her.
-They pass by Dior, YSL and other designers, just to show True Her where she’ll never buy clothes unless she gets a rich man with her new soon to be slut self.
-They end up buying sale clothes at Walmart (actually it’s a British store, but just as crappy)
-Mary Poppins for Sluts picks up a dress, usually a mini skirt, hoo ha gets cold.
-True Her gets new hair do and makeup.
-True Her gets dressed up, fully sluterized (yeah that’s a word)
-Mary Poppins for Sluts looks for that moment of tears, but True Her doesn’t cry. Mary Poppins beats the crap out of True Her so she cries. No tears yet, taser comes in. True Her is now in tears but twitching because of the 1200 volts she received.
-Blind date time, the guy on which true self has a crush is revealed. Now it all makes sense, the guy never paid attention to her not because she was ugly, but because, get ready, guy is gay and he’s looking for a faghag not a girlfriend. Or is simply ugly as hell and worthy or a true makeover.
I hated the show, she advocates for uniqueness and yet she strips all these cute girls of her True Selves and turns them into something they are not. Louis, prepare to die you are helping these guys to stay in the closet by setting up dates with girls, shame on you!
Disclaimer: If Louise shows up dead it wasn’t me, I don’t even know where she lives.