Madam Makeup and Her Skanks
This is an in-depth analysis of a TV show called Plain Jane. If you don’t know the show (I didn’t know it till the day my friend and I watched 2 episodes in a row), this is your chance to avoid it.
Plain Jane, from here on referred to as “Madam Makeup and Her Skanks” or “Mary Poppins for Sluts” (shame on you if you came here looking for July Andrews’ sex tape), is a show where this woman picks a girl and gives her a makeover and prepares her for a blind date with a guy who has never noticed her. End of the post.
Noooooo, this is not the end of the post. See, I got really pissed watching that show. The girls featured on the show are far from being ugly, of having issues worthy of a makeover. What happens is that they are not up to the standards of the dumb whatever her face is, the Madam who hosts the show. They are usually (and I say usually based on the 2 episodes I watched) sporty girls, girls who don’t like to wear makeup nor heels and are grossed out by the thought of wearing a dress. You see anything wrong with that? Cool, cuz I didn’t either.
Having set the show up for you, I’m gonna sum up what happens on it. Stop me if you’ve had enough (ha! you can’t stop me).
-Normal girl is picked up.
-Normal girl is put down because she is normal.
-Once normal girl is down and feeling miserable, Mary Poppins for Sluts tells her she will help her see the true her.
-True “Her” is defined.
-True Her is given a challenge to face her fears.
-Challenge consists of putting herself out there for guys.
A slut in the making
-Guys are always actors and gay.
-Nothing wrong with gay actors. They act.
-Mary Poppins for Sluts goes clothes shopping with True Her.
-They pass by Dior, YSL and other designers, just to show True Her where she’ll never buy clothes unless she gets a rich man with her new soon to be slut self.
-They end up buying sale clothes at Walmart (actually it’s a British store, but just as crappy)
-Mary Poppins for Sluts picks up a dress, usually a mini skirt, hoo ha gets cold.
-True Her gets new hair do and makeup.
-True Her gets dressed up, fully sluterized (yeah that’s a word)
Shoes 3 sizes bigger. Clearly are show property not for True Her to keep.
-Mary Poppins for Sluts looks for that moment of tears, but True Her doesn’t cry. Mary Poppins beats the crap out of True Her so she cries. No tears yet, taser comes in. True Her is now in tears but twitching because of the 1200 volts she received.
Gurl! Look at that dress, the shoes! Wow, the makeup F A B U L O U S S S-extra lisp-
-Blind date time, the guy on which true self has a crush is revealed. Now it all makes sense, the guy never paid attention to her not because she was ugly, but because, get ready, guy is gay and he’s looking for a faghag not a girlfriend. Or is simply ugly as hell and worthy or a true makeover.
I hated the show, she advocates for uniqueness and yet she strips all these cute girls of her True Selves and turns them into something they are not. Louis, prepare to die you are helping these guys to stay in the closet by setting up dates with girls, shame on you!
Disclaimer: If Louise shows up dead it wasn’t me, I don’t even know where she lives.
So glad I never been plain … this is the most terrible TV-program I ever seen – and it’s so obvious that the guy in question is gay. Totally agree with you on all points. But I think you’re totally wrong about Walmart – can’t find anything more American than that, founded in 1962 .. but crappy.
What I meant about Walmart is that she takes the girls to a British version of Walmart.
Glad you agree with me about the show.
Okay, now I understand better … terrible and irritating show – and the girls … are just going through it .. to get a make over – that is even worst. Talk about selling themselves cheap.
Wonder what store that is? Primark is pretty crappy. You’ve put me off the show enough to not want to find out.
I think is Primark.
People are very aggressive there and they throw the clothes all over the floor so you can’t look at anything.
Havent’ seen the show but have a feeling I’d be throwing heavy objects at the TV screen if I DID see it….!
Pam
bawhahaha “sluterized” —that’s the word of 2013 for me! and now I know how to be really myself… I need only some red shoes – but 3 sizes bigger, of course. sadly we haven’t MTV here since it is pay-tv… sometimes I miss it ;o)
‘All fart and no poo’ erm…I’m ashamed that this British woman is torturing the American public with this crap!! Oh ffs she’s inflicting her shoe fetish on someone who doesn’t want it…I’d walk away (in my flats) as soon as she tried that. Just glad the poor girl wasn’t turned down flat that would have been the icing on the mouldy cake!
My two cents — usually women move in the opposite way, all sexed up, then when they find true love, a guy who appreciates her as she is, she tones it down big time: less make-up, flats more often then heels, etc. (Biggest example everyone would know — Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, falls in love with Richard Gere, no more punk wig and hooker boots, less make-up, etc.)
Anyway, never heard of the show and sounds like it won’t last anyway. It’s a dumb concept and not many will relate to it. Sounds misogynist.
Surprisingly is on its 3rd season. I don’t know where are the feminist groups when they are needed.
Third season?! Yikes!!!
I know.
i know the show. I watched it a few times, but the girls are NEVER ugly. Just normal, like me. Don’t like to wear make up or heels, and such like that. It annoyed me.
That’s my whole point, the show makes no sense. She beats down those girls just because they are not up to her standars.
HER standards, exactly. I’m pretty sure that if those girls just got the guts to tell those guys they like him, with just being themself, things would be just fine. They don’t need to wear dresses or high heels to make a guy like them.
Never heard of it, but sounds awful!
My favourite show of this kind is ‘marry, snog, avoid’ where they take a girl who looks like a barbie doll with completely OTT makeup etc. And they tone her down to show that the girl (or in some cases boy) doesn’t have to hide behind an orange tan and mad hair extensions to look good.
Well this just makes me sad about humans a little bit. Then again, I’ve enjoyed an episode or two of Honey Boo Boo, so I’m technically just as guilty. I’d love to pick the producer’s brain about how finding a woman’s “true” self turns into dolling her up to an unrecognizable degree? Isn’t that just trick-or-treating?
“Sluterized” is a very good word, I bet it exists.
Reminds me of the film “Grease” (1978). The very conservative message is: change your whole life and self for a man by buying expensive or rather slutty clothes and cosmetics. That’s just not my cup of tea and never was. We’re not the target audience anyways. The huge shoes are kind of ugly in my opinion, I guess they get sponsored by someone and the producers of the show don’t really buy anything. It’s an infomercial.
sluterized – should be nominated for word of the year (2013).
The show sounds horrible. It sends such a wrong and twisted message, to men and women alike.
Wallpaper tv – a gap in the schedule needs filling. Repeat cartoons are probably more expensive to show.
Never seen or heard of it but doesn’t sound too good! BTW, we are (hopefully) back, Doggy!
Oink oink,
Katie and Coccolino the mini pig
I shall be laughing about this one for the rest of the day!
The problem is that if the girl does get the guy, they’d both be miserable but they’d deserve each other. I’ve never seen the show and didn’t watch your video because you told me it was a waste of time. Sometimes I’m glad I had the “big snip”.
-Kyla, who isn’t putting on lipstick for anybody.
Dear Leo, thank you for the public service announcement. Next! xoxoM
I’ve never actually seen this show but it would infuriate me too. It sort of reminds me of the old ZZ Top videos from the 80s, where they’d take a “Plain Jane” chick and slut her up, and lo and behold, she’d get all the guys. Meanwhile, I’m curious about the gay guy looking for a hag—does he have clothing requirements for his hags, or was it just that she didn’t know he was gay? I mean, I’ve been a faghag since I was 16 and none of the guys ever really cared what I was wearing unless I was really working it.
Shows like this make me glad that I am a dog.
I have actually never heard of this show, but would not be surprised to learn that it is on TLC. Is it? It’s a good guess anyway. Not only is it stupid, it’s just like so many other shows. “What Not To Wear” is especially bad. Some bitchy woman and femmy guy rip someone apart on camera about how much they and their clothes suck, then throw their clothes away, then “remodel” them in designer clothes they will never be able to afford and that don’t look all that great anyway. Though it’s still not as bad as the show that used to be on I think network TV called Extreme Makeover where they would give people freaking plastic surgery to make them “better”. Holy crap. I’m actually shocked that one was cancelled.
Then there’s “the Bachelor” and “Bachelorette” and “Bachelor Pad” and . . . arghhhh! We could do a tag team reality show review thing.
We should stick to those shows that shows humans as they are like “Embarrassing Bodies”
Is that really a show? I bet it is.
Yeah, it’s gross, it’s a medical show, they treat embarrassing deseases.
Oh, that reminds me of that show – what is it – strange obsessions? There was one where the guy had sex w/ his car. And we can’t forget “Monsters Inside Us” that shows us the horrible festering germs in us right now or the show following it “Infested” which shows the snakes, rats, roaches, etc that are probably in your walls or attic right now.
Monsters Inside Us and Embarrassing Bodies run back to back in here, usually when I’m eating, I don’t want to watch them but I can’t help it.
You cannot look away from train wreck TV.
it should read disease
Gee, and to think I’m not going out of my way to watch this.
You are soooo funny
Thanks for the laugh – I really needed it. I couldn’t agree with you more, nor could I ever have said it better!
Never heard of it and will never watch it now..lol Hope your cold is better
xx00xx
Mollie and Alfie
I’ve never seen this before, thanks for the warning!
Oh and sluterized needs to be in the dictionary.
We avoid these shows
xx. Still on the look out for cinnamon tic tags
Love. Love. LOVE! Oh dear God, Leo. You’re the most hilarious and clever young man, aren’t you? This was an awesome post. I wish WP would come up with “pop up comments” so we can click certain words in your post and put multiple comments all the way through because holy mother of God I think I peed reading this. Yay for you!
I really should not admit this but I have seen that show. You probably thought I spent my spare time reading Chaucer, right?
This cracked me up:
-Guys are always actors and gay.
-Nothing wrong with gay actors. They act.
I too am not familiar with this show but so grateful to you that I can avoid the pain of watching. I was and still am a Tomboy and love my jeans and hoodies. ” Beauty is skin deep;but ugly is to the bone”!
They put THIS kinda crap on the air, and cancel “Star Trek” and “Firefly”. YEESH!!
Yay for Firefly
Great to hear back from you. Gather you feeling better.
The headaches have lessened, thankfully. Got winged by the flu my wife got a full dose of, plus my Internet’s been on-and-off the past couple days. Back to catching up!