We agreed not to ask Jesus anymore, the 2 Jesus I know of don’t speak English. The first one was the new help of the super at the building I used to live in and the other one is Jesus of Nazareth. English wasn’t even a language back then, so let’s get real.
Nobody would ask me for advice, but still I like to pour out my thoughts on my friends’ Facebook statuses. Why? Because I want.
I’m gonna share with you 2 images, which I’ll translate so you have an idea of what my friends are like.
It’s lovely to start the day with your boss yelling and putting you in your place
Perrito (Me): Marvelous!
Carlicos: then you stay put all morning, holding your sh*t and pee, wishing for a blackhole to open on your computer screen…Poor Vicky!
Viktor: hahahaha I would have rather got a slap, just that, I swear.
Viktor: A slap and a “You know what you’ve done!”
Carlicos: Vicky, quit the cleaning company you work for, you’re worth much more! You can get a churros trailer, or work for a moving company (you’ve got biceps), or even deliver pizza, but being humiliated, never!
Viktor: I think I’ll dye my hair blond.
Me: If I were you, tomorrow I would go to the office dressed in my best attire, I would get there late and with my breakfast, I wouldn’t turn the computer on until I’m done with my breakfast. I’d light a cigarette in the office (even if I don’t smoke) and put it on the keyboard. Wait till the boss calls me, go to his office with my faux fur on and my sunglasses on my head. When I get in I’d ask him “You want me to close the door or you want everybody to hear?”
Me: He’d look puzzled.
I’d close the door and as soon as he starts talking I’d take my sunglasses off and tell him “Jose Julian! Enough, I’m fed up, you either give me the place I deserve or right now I’m going to your place and tell your wife that I’m the mother of her kids, after yesterday I’m determined to not put up with this kinda of treatment”
I’d put my sunglasses on and go back to my desk to extinguish the fire from my keyboard.
Me: Or you can do what Carlicos had been doing the last 2 years, eating from us taxpayers and travel the world (Carlicos is currently unemployed and received unemployment checks)
Viktor: Laughs hysterically.
Viktor: Or keep my mouth shut like a submissive Spanish employee that I am, after all my boss was partially right even tho the way he talked was not appropriate.
Carlicos: Perrito, you bitch!!
So, my friend just updated me, he got fined 100 Euros for jaywalking on his way home, what a lovely way to finish your day.
I’m sorry Vicky, 100 Euros less for your boob job.