On Dating: Go Wild!
After you’ve put to work my first Dating Advice (please read it if you haven’t) you are ready for the next step.
Dating is an art, and some of us are born with weapons that makes it easier. I was blessed with all possible weapons (minus the looks and money, so basically I have nothing), so in the spirit of the imminent approach of St. Valentine’s Day, I’ll give you another piece of advice.
Please note that this is not only for newbies, you can also use it to get brownie points with your partner of all time for spicing up your relationship. Kids, please stop reading because this may become sexual.
Unrelated, or is it?
Let me set up the scene: you took your other person out for dinner, or just ate at home. By this time you have already had 6 dates if not more. I work slow, I don’t sleep around. I’m a clean freak, the very thought of catching a bug drives me crazy, so ONS are out of the question. I’m not saying you must wait till mariage, hell no! But it’s nice to be at ease enough to cover the chest of the other person in slobber.
The hair on your chest prickles my back. I’ve heard that before.
Ok, so you are getting ready to hit the sheets, roll on the carpet, make that leather sofa squeak.
Shoes flying left and right, shirts being ripped.
Damn! Why do you gotta use button up jeans, arghhhh, and skinny jeans? You gotta be kidding me!
You start kissing like a recently released ex-con.
-Please don’t bite me, ohhh wait, bite me!!!
-Spank me and call me Veronika!
(shhh just play along)
-No, please don’t….but don’t stop.
You move from the sofa to the floor, from the floor to the bed and then to the shower and back to the bed. You did the dirty, so unchristian and not lady like, but it was good.
Now time to talk and enjoy the afterglow, and here’s where my advice comes.
You put the other person’s head on your chest, start playing with his/her hair, then slowly and nicely grab his/her chin and softly kiss him/her on the forehead and then ask her/him to wait because you have to use the toilet.
You go to the bathroom, grab some Nivea and rub it on your man/womanhood. Wait till the other person looks at you, then you smile and say “It’s for the herpes, I think I’m getting an outbreak”
It’s like saying I Love You
Please come back for more useful dating tips before St. Valentines
Leo, that was so funny, still laughing and choking on my cup of tea
xx00xx
Mollie and Alfie
Glad you like it, now get to work! Get some Nivea and show hubby some loving!
Doggy, you are so naughty!
Ohhh the very thought!
I like when you talk naughty/dirty *laughter – so funny .. been there … think I have the T-shirt too and postcards have been sent.
Dirty talk is the best lol
Dating in “my” day (at least my first round of dating in the 60s) was more about “fumbling” than about “finesse”….! You’re so hilarious – Part 2 of your “dating series” has some simply fabulous advice…..ahem…….
Pam
It’s all about keeping the fire burning.
Bad Leo, bad!
How to scare the living daylights out of your date/partner/whatever. Will keep reading your advice but not entirely sure I’m going to take any of it. Well, maybe just for the fun of it. If they don’t have a sense of humour, then we don’t want to stay with them anyway, do we now? 
Dull people is not allowed.
Humorous post
Thanks!
Glad you liked it!
Solid advice. I can honestly say I’ve never tried the lotion herpes prank on anybody!
I almost got my ass kicked.
OMD – that’s so funny!!!… but is it really the same as to say I love you… hmmm, ok, if you have enough Nivea in your bathroom ;o)
Glad you liked it, I love you always sounds scary to me.
Herpes? Herpes?? Nooooooooo! Ah well it can join the chlamydia that I’m getting treatment for *sniggers* Doggy you’re so funny xx
Blooming clamydia looks beautiful in the first days of spring, do not forget to water it. Clamydia always sounded like a flower to me, lika carnations.
I know! me too
mind you so did hydro encephalitis, my lectures at uni were full of secret amusement and confusion for me with some of the names people came up with 
Haha! And you know they’re the real deal if they stick around after that
That’s true, if they don’t get a panic attack and die, they are keepers.
Hahaha. You are adorably, cleverly sick. I love you, Leo.
Owww Marla, this made my day.
Thanks
hahaha I love how you think.
Thanks Becca
Nivea, huh? Who’d'a thunk? lol xoM
You could also use Victoria’s Secret, but the nice smell would give you away.
We can’t wait for your Valentine’s Day post.
I gotta start working on it
Hahaha! So cruel! I like it!
Thanks sir!
Where’s the poll to vote that you’re a sick man???
That’s for the fairly tales Clowie, I need time to repair my self-esteem lol
So uh, let me take a wild guess here. You ain’t planning on getting married before you’re, oh, say, NINETY?
My best advice? Don’t try. Just go with what life throws at you. At one point in the late eighties, I was chasing no less than 3 women at various times. I flew cross-country TWICE after one particular lady, and all she got me was food poisoning. But it was thanks TO that food poisoning that I met my wife. So just go with the flow.
Unless you’re like, i don’t know, good-looking or charming? (Wouldn’t know, never had ‘em.)
Food poisoning sounds better than herpes to me lol
I hope I can find someone on e-Darling, if I ever get rich I’ll try that other website for sugar daddies, I’m too poor to even pay the membership now.
I read a story of you and your wife on Rara’s blog, was on Rara’s right?
Yep, that’s it. It’s the wonderful and heart-warming story of how I barfed my way through our second date. Nothing says “love” like never having to apologise for hurling in your date’s bathroom!
At you made it to the second date, I couldn’t even make it to the “Hello my name is”
http://doggysstyle.wordpress.com/2012/10/25/love-me-tender/
Ouch! I have such a good story to tell, but I’m hesitant to tell it here…I’m wrestling with it as I type.
Please, share it with us.
I fear Karma.
It’s serendipidity, a few decades ago I was trying to be all honest and whatnot and revealed some horrifying things to this little school teacher, post “cuddling”. To make a long story, I ended up getting stabbed and arrested! 1 strike, 2 strikes…no more for me…I am not going back to prison…
Wow, being honest rarely pays.
I’m curious about the story tho.
Oh, how I love naughty Thursday:)
Thanks Lavinia
Leo are sure Miss Peach didn’t write this post? You are a scaly wag Leo!
It was me, I swear, she couldn’t come with something as brilliant as this.
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I suspected there was more to Nivea than I ever knew…lol.