Why is he resigning? I know!
As you know by now, Joe (Pope Benedict for you) and I are best buddies. We are even friends on Twitter.
You may have heard he’s to resign on February 28th. There’s a lot of speculation as to why Joe took that decision. Nobody knows, nobody but me that is, we are BFF.
Pope’s Twitter
After The Pope published his book Jesus of Nazareth…. things haven’t been the same in The Vatican. Rumor has it (there’s a lot of hallway gossip there) the Pro-Animal Wing of the Vatican was outraged to learn that The Pope had removed the Mule and the Ox from the Nativity Scene. Even PETA got involved. Those 2 animals have been employees of the church for ages and without notice they got fired. Not only fired but as the Ox said in an interview with Oprah, “This has only one name, and that name is excommunication. We’ve been excommunicated. We are old, we have served this company for centuries and now we are being laid off without benefits.”
It’s not an Ox and it isn’t Oprah, but it’ s close enough
Joe called me 3 weeks ago and asked me to send hay and salt to the family of the Ox and Mule. I didn’t question him, when a friend in need asks for a favor you just do it.
I called him once I was done, we had a chat over Skype and he told me “Leo, my man, those animals are taking me down, it was a mistake having them fired. You know I used the Ox crap to burn and keep the mosquitoes out. Now look at my arms, those bugs are eating me alive.”
I suggested he hire them back. He kept silent, checked behind him and closed the door, and told me “Haven’t you heard? The Ox was depressed, couldn’t find a job with his age and jumped in a pot. It was served for lunch 2 weeks ago. And the Mule, well, she walks the streets of Rome now trading sexual favors with horses for hay.”
A sexy Mule
“You are in deep Ox manure Joe. What you gonna do?” I asked.
“Resign, but please don’t tell anyone,” he said.
“Ok, I won’t talk about it until you do, but can I send you my resume and would you give me a reference letter?”
He looked at me and asked me to call him on the 20th.
There you are. Believe it or not all that happened in my mind. You are reading Leo’s blog today, but in a month this could be the blog of Pope Ceeqle I (that’ll be my Pope name) .
We knew there were dark deeds behind this resignation but that takes the donkey’s tail. You have our vote as long as you sing the Vatican Rag during your inauguration.
Of course, when I’m named Pope I’ll throw a huge party, all outcasted and excommunicated will be welcome.
deep in manure, indeed ;0)
neck high!
Are you sure about this … because I read somewhere that he are the one to blame for the Findus horse meat scandal, so is it mule, ox or horse that is the reason??? What ever – but do we really need a pope at all ???? And what about a female pope????
A female pope? They would have to accept woman in the club first, which is about time.
I know … !!! That’s why I wrote it. They are no twitter and and FB, but they don’t like women *smile – men of the world.
I think Twitter take too much of his time in those days.
I was amused by the lightning hitting the Vatican.
Clowie, you wait and see, I’ll be there soon, reigning middle earth.
Well, I shall expect to see great changes.
That ox and Bull have rights god dammit! (probably wrong post to say that in) Anyways the oprah meme had me cracking up laughing I don’t evenknow why, as I don’t even know if I fully get it, but thats always seems to be when I crack up the most…
It’s ok Kirby, the Oprah meme was the only thing I found of Oprah and a cow without Oprah being the cow.
BOL!
Hiya, our Mummy is finally getting better so whee are back and you never fail to make us laugh . . . .I mean reliably inform us of the true facts behind the stories in the news.
Have a great day and whee have missed you guys loads.
Piggy whiffles
Nibbles, Nutty, Buddy & Basil
xxxx
Piggies, it seems like we all have been under the weather, I thought I was a gone, recently left the world of the dead, I’m coming back slowly.
Oh dear! Whee are glad you are ok. Whee think this is shocking, some germs are attacking the blogosphere!
xxxx
I just knew there was more to the story than the public was being told – and leave it to you – the future Pope of the universe – to give us the INSIDE SCOOP. Glad to have you back in the blogosphere but now we know where you’ve REALLY been – not ill but walking the halls of the Vatican, taking stock of what to sell off and what to keep when you move in.
Pam
I’ll change that place completely, nobody will even know that it was once house of the Pope, I’ll throw parties and sell all the gold, I don’t like gold, I’ll buy food and animals, elephants, I’ll get me some elephants and rabbits.
You are welcome to come once it’s official that I’m the new Pope.
Haha!!!
If you’re going to be Pope, I wanna be Vice-Pope.
I vote Alice as Vice-Pope!
Position is yours!
Can’t wait for them to make it official.
Sad Pony and Squirrel will be part of the nativity scene once I’m named Pope
That is so awesome. I would love to add a squirrel and a pony – put the squirrel on the roof of the manger. You know they had them. Also, Mary had to ride on a donkey to get there – maybe that’s why Sad Pony is so sad – he had to carry a pregnant woman for miles.
Oh dear pope, that mule is sexy. I am honored to know you. Now kiss my ring?
You’ll be our Secretary of State.
Sounds good.
Goodbye Pope Benedict, see ya!
That stunk what he did to Ox and Mule!!
One I’m named pope I’ll hire Mule back and post the position for the Ox on craigslist.
Oh I would vote for you!!! YAY for pope ceeqle ;o) It was a mistake to fire the ox and the mule – they have a big lobby …;o)
I’ll need all the support from my friends, won’t be an easy task, but I’m up for the challenge.
The first person I thought of when I heard the news was you! I figured it was your random tweets to him that caused it!
hahahahaha
Many of my friends told me the same, as a matter of fact that’s how I found out about it.
Ha! As soon as I saw the news about the Pope, I thought to myself, “I bet Leo’s gonna’ write a great and funny post about this!” Every time I think of the Pope, I think of you. Pope=Leo. Pope=Leo… Pope Leo?
Pope Leo has a nice song, I like Pope Ceeqle too, my grandma would be really proud of me, she was a catholic. A grandson pope, ha!
Everyone’s saying this but it’s true, as soon as I saw the news I thought for sure you’d write something hilarious about it! And you did!
All hail Pope Ceeqle *bow*
hahahahaha
My friendship with Joe is not a secret, and that I’ll be wearing the pope ring I’ll get really famous Miss, I don’t know how I’ll manage it, social networks and all, this will get crazy soon.
Becca for pope. That would end 2000 years of tradition but the churches would be full.
Becca for the pope, putting cleavage back in the church!
Don’t forget to pimp the Popemobile, Pope Leo. I hope no risque pictures come out after the resignation featuring the sexy mule. Might be another sexual harassment suit for the Vatican.
The Mule has yet to say the last word on this, I hope nobody silence her before I start my duties as Pope.
The Red Man had suspected this was the reason but it’s good to have verification. Thanks!
Glad to confirm his suspicions.
Only you could come up with a post like this
very funny
I have inside information.
Oh goody, I’ll be able to say I know the Pope and that he taught me how to cheat, bribe and shamelessly promote myself. That’s got to be news worthy. Maybe I could then write a book? Fantastic – on with your dreams of becoming Pope Ceeqle
Whatever is going on with the Pope, we are glad you are back
Oink oink,
Katie and Coccolino the mini pig
Aww, man, you beat me to it. But I can’t post until Thursday (it’s complicated). Fun stuff.
Leo, a brilliant and scathing commentary. Shoot, I’d consider returning to the church if Ceeqle I were in charge. Thanks for making my breakfast a little funnier (Toast and fried eggs are a little dry!).
That was a big mistake, big mistake, to take out the ox and mule. Now he’s paying for it. It is a huge shock, isn’t it? I guess it hasn’t happened in 600 years!!
I’m pretty sure that really is Oprah without her makeup.
You need an anthem, have you thought about it? You have my support, I won’t write nasty letters to you. As for the lightning, I sent it, together with the Romanian Gypsy witches. It was not God. God was busy.
You’d cetainly shake up the vatican if you got the job!!
oh man, embarassing admission: I didn’t know the pope was resigning until I read this right now.
I think I need to start reading the newspaper more…
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