It’s Naughty Thursday so let’s talk about my Granny
Leo asked if I could fill in for him for this naughty Thursday. I would never hesitate to accept such invitation, as I like to think naughty is my thing. I dream naughty, I act naughty, I am naughty. Which, by the way, reminds me of one my grandmas.
My granny was such a bad girl that I am sure we would have been BFFs in different circumstances. She used to take me to church a lot and she used to make me pray to God every evening but in between church sessions, we would have grandmother – grand daughter talks, like this one, for example:
“Granny, my mom told me to save my virginity for my husband. She said virginity is my most precious asset.”
“Oh, please! She saved her virginity for her husband and what did she get? My son! Not such a good deal, if you ask me… How about you enjoy life instead? And maybe you should never get married. I was lucky, because all my husbands died and I didn’t have time to get bored of them. But not all women are that lucky, you know!”
Yes, ladies and gents, my granny buried three husbands and all of them seemed like they had died of natural causes. Nobody could ever prove otherwise.
I resemble my granny a lot. We look pretty much the same, except that I am pretty. She was rather… not pretty. I remember how everybody was always wondering how she managed to get three rather handsome men to marry her, considering her looks.
Maybe her most precious asset wasn’t her virginity, which she had lost at quite a young age. Maybe my granny was good in bed. I remember my last step grandfather being sad each time she was sending him to sleep in another room or how he was trying to grab her boobs each time she was changing her clothes.
My granny had very big boobs which sadly, I didn’t inherit and besides, she was the best cook ever. The cooking gene skipped a generation (my father) and got to me, fortunately. When eating my food, my sister always says I like men and I am a good cook, just like our granny.
Oh, and my granny also did time in prison during communism, I forgot to tell you that. I didn’t hear about any naughty jail stories, though, I don’t know if she made any of the women there her bitch. If she didn’t, it was because she didn’t want to, not because she couldn’t. Apparently, she spent her time there learning how to weave Romanian traditional carpets. In her late years, she weaved few carpets for my sister and I. They are quite valuable nowadays, my granny did well, thanks granny, wherever you are.
Even though my granny was quite a party girl, she didn’t like drinking and she didn’t let my grandparents drink either. I kind of like to get my drink on at social gatherings so I probably have the alcohol gene from my other granny, the alcoholic one that only buried two husbands.
But about her, some other time. I am running out of words now. I am over 500 words already and I don’t want you to get bored on the holy Thursday of Naughtiness.