-Blah Blah Blah how may I help you? (I hate doing that, doesn’t roll out my tongue)
-Yeah, I’d like to know how you gonna refund my deposit, I lost my credit card (A nasal voice from a Valley wannabe)
-Your last name please? (Already annoyed, I don’t do customer care)
-Ok, the refund is going to be credited to the account associated with the lost CC, once your outstanding balance has been cleared. Is there anything else I may assist you with? (I was so ready to say goodbye)
-But that’s impossible, I lost that CC
-Mrs. Dumby, although you lost the physical CC, your account with issuer of that CC is still open, therefore the original transaction can be retrieved. (I tried to sound as little condescending as possible)
-Mr. Jerk (that’s me), you are not understanding me, I lost my CC, you can’t send money to that CC.
-Mrs. Dumby, are you trying to tell me that you closed that account altogether?
If that’s the case I’ll be happy to have a check sent you.
Would you be so kind to confirm your mailing address please? (Here a really thick NYC accent comes out nowhere)
-No, I did not close the account, I got a replacement. I just want my money back, but you don’t seem to understand that my CC was lost.
-Mrs. Dumby, I do understand and I’m sorry for your loss, but please understand that losing that little piece of plastic doesn’t mean that we are unable to credit money back to your account for transactions made with the lost CC. (At that point I was already stabbing myself with a pencil)
-Mr. Jerk, I don’t appreciate your attitude, you talk to me as if I were an idiot. (She got extremely nasal)
-Mrs. Dumby, I’m trying to help you in the best way I know. I’m sorry if you feel like I’m treating you that way, it’s not my intention. But I just want to make clear that you’ll get your money back regardless of the incident with your CC. (I was beyond my limit)
-Listen, you are impossible to deal with, you don’t seem to understand the problem. I got a CC replacement, different number to the one I used. (and then she sorta squealed)
-Mrs. Dumby, let me put it this way. CC one died. You got a replacement for the one that died. That replacement is the reincarnation of the one you lost. Your deposit refund will be processed successfully.
-How dare you? Your attitude is disgusting.
-So I’ve heard. But I digress, I hope the reimbursement situation is clear.
-I’m done with you, I need to talk to your manager. (she was threatening)
-I’m sorry Mrs. Dumby, I’m the manager, I’m as high as you can get in here, if I can’t help you nobody else would be able to.
-I don’t understand how you can be still in business with attitudes like yours. (I felt the disappointment in her voice)
-Ma’am, from minute one I’m telling you I wanna help you, I explained you how CCs work, even offered you a check. You may need to contact your bank so they can tell you the same I’m telling you. But you don’t listen with your hearing ears, instead keep repeating that you lost your CC, and believe me, I got it the first time.
I’m sorry if my customer care skills do not meet your expectations. You can expect your 150 Euros deposit back as soon as you pay the outstanding balance of 560.98 Euros. Check, money transfer or magic beans, I’ll give my word.
-Jerk! (she didn’t even call me Mr.)
Beeeeepppp (She hung up)
Have a happy weekend!