On Dating: Go Wild!

After you’ve put to work my first Dating Advice (please read it if you haven’t) you are ready for the next step.
Dating is an art, and some of us are born with weapons that makes it easier. I was blessed with all possible weapons (minus the looks and money, so basically I have nothing), so in the spirit of the imminent approach of St. Valentine’s Day, I’ll give you another piece of advice.
Please note that this is not only for newbies, you can also use it to get brownie points with your partner of all time for spicing up your relationship. Kids, please stop reading because this may become sexual.

Unrelated, or is it?

Unrelated, or is it?

Let me set up the scene: you took your other person out for dinner, or just ate at home. By this time you have already had 6 dates if not more. I work slow, I don’t sleep around. I’m a clean freak, the very thought of catching a bug drives me crazy, so ONS are out of the question. I’m not saying you must wait till mariage, hell no! But it’s nice to be at ease enough to cover the chest of the other person in slobber.

The hair on your chest prickles my back. I've hair that before.

The hair on your chest prickles my back. I’ve heard that before.

Ok, so you are getting ready to hit the sheets, roll on the carpet, make that leather sofa squeak.

Shoes flying left and right, shirts being ripped.

Damn! Why do you gotta use button up jeans, arghhhh, and skinny jeans? You gotta be kidding me!

You start kissing like a recently released ex-con.

-Please don’t bite me, ohhh wait, bite me!!!
-Spank me and call me Veronika!
(shhh just play along)
-No, please don’t….but don’t stop.

You move from the sofa to the floor, from the floor to the bed and then to the shower and back to the bed. You did the dirty, so unchristian and not lady like, but it was good.

Now time to talk and enjoy the afterglow, and here’s where my advice comes.
You put the other person’s head on your chest, start playing with his/her hair, then slowly and nicely grab his/her chin and softly kiss him/her on the forehead and then ask her/him to wait because you have to use the toilet.
You go to the bathroom, grab some Nivea and rub it on your man/womanhood. Wait till the other person looks at you, then you smile and say “It’s for the herpes, I think I’m getting an outbreak”

It's like saying I Love You

It’s like saying I Love You

Please come back for more useful dating tips before St. Valentines