Naughty-ish Thursday: Love you are a whore

Today I’ll tell you something that’ll change the good and innocent image you have of me.

Have you ever whored yourself out?
No, not for money, or even for expensive clothes, like for food and drinks?

That should be a compliment as long as it doesn't have a the word "crack" before "whore"

That should be a compliment as long as it doesn’t have a the word “crack” before “whore”

Good to know I’m not alone, but since this is not about you, but about me, I’ll tell you my story and then you tell me yours.

I used to whore myself out a lot when I was in college. Going to bars and getting drinks for free was part of my weekend routine. I had the money to pay for my drinks, it was (is) not about money. It was about the thrill, a rush.
But that was when I was young. Now that I’m an old man I party less and have less patience to hear boring stories and smile to meaningless compliments. With age I’ve gotten sharper. I care less about strangers that are only looking to have a good time. I know, if there’s a hell I’m going straight to it, non stop, so I might as well own it and make the most of it.

Last time I whored myself out was back in spring 2011 (almost 2 years ago, I think I’m reformed by now). My intern (yeah, I drag those poor kids into it) and I were enjoying the sun by the river, no plans for anything else so I didn’t take much money with me nor my wallet. 20 Euros was what I had with me.
We decided to have a drink before heading home, a pint of chilly cider, nothing else.
As I was about to finish my drink a guy approached me, we’ll call him Chris, and started to talk with me. He heard me speaking English with my intern, asked a couple of random things, ordered himself a drink and asked me if I wanted one, and here’s how this started:

People like us, that's why they pay for our drinks and food.

People like us, that’s why they pay for our drinks and food.

 Me: Depending on what you are getting me
Chris: What are you having?
M: Cider, but since you are paying I’ll get a Hendrick’s with cucumber
C: Ok.
M:  Matt (the bartender) get me a Hendricks, my friend here is paying.

I drank half of it and gave him the attention he paid for.

C: You wanna join me and my friends? We are seated there (pointing to his table)
M: See Chris, I was heading out, I’m starving and so is my friend, so I guess I’ll call it a day.
C: No, no, I’ll order food and drinks, join me. 

Jackpot! The Richard Geere for my Julia Roberts!

I sat next to him, I knew he wanted a piece of me (which was not on the market to start with, but he didn’t know that). He would talk and put his hand on my knee (scandalous!). 4 drinks later he wanted to move his hand up.

M: Chris, put your hand down or I’ll chop it off, no, and don’t smile, I’m not kidding. 
C: Ok, I’m sorry. I like your sense of humor. (poor Danish guy, thought I was kidding) 

2 hours later everybody was hammered, it was already 1am. Chris asked for the check.
220 Euros. He paid for it and we left the bar.

C: So, where are you going now?
M: Home, need to sleep.
C: Oh, I’m sharing a room with a friend but we could head to your place.
M: Head to my place? What do you mean?
C: Yeah, to watch a movie.
M: Watch a movie? Come on, you can do better than that!
C: You know.
M: I’m sorry Chris, I don’t know what you made of this, but I’m afraid I can’t take you home, I live with my grandma and it wouldn’t make her happy if I brought a guy home, not till I’m married.
C: Can you at least add me on Facebook? 

My intern started to laugh really hard, Chris looked puzzled, he thought he was going to score that night. Looking back I feel bad I only ordered nachos, I could have ordered something else.