April Fool’s

Why I don’t do April Fool’s anymore?
Simple, I sent someone to the hospital.
Was 2006, there we were enjoying Spring break in Martinique, no alcohol was involved, my friends and I have always been more the kind of enjoying the day hiking, diving and snorkeling, than drinking till our liver shuts down. I was 100% aware of what I was doing, my friend was still sleeping, his room was on he second floor of the bungalow, great sea view.
I thought it was a great idea to scream fire to wake him up, just to see his reaction, I would smile just by imagining him jumping off bed, ohhh what a precious moment was ahead.

bacon_1

I believe I can fly!

As I was getting ready to enter his room a voice in my head gave me a brilliant idea; why don’t I burn a toast so he sees and smells smoke when he wakes up? So I did.
I burnt a toast, brought the covered pan to his door, opened his door and remove the cover of the pan, then I said:

Fire!! Wake up!! Jesus Christ Fire, there’s no way out, the stairs are on fire!

Just as I expected, he jumped out of bed, almost flying. Mission accomplished, I padded myself on the shoulder until….

Come one ma, let’s jump! He said as he opened the door to his balcony and flew down.
Ooops!
He broke his femur and ankle, needless to say it was the end of Spring break for us.

Have you ever almost killed someone?

It occurred to me that it’d be a nice practical joke from a wife to a husband to tell him:

-“Honey, we need to talk” (you know it means trouble)
-You know I love you baby, but I gotta be honest with you. I didn’t want to hurt you, that’s why I’ve hidden it from you all this time.
-What is it Marie?!!! For goodness sake, talk woman!!
-It’s Sam, our boy.
-What happened to Sam? What’s wrong??! Marie you are killing me!
-Sam is not yours, you are not the father, he’s your nephew, look at the bright side, you’ve lost a son but won a nephew, life is fair.

Ohhh that’d be so nice, one can only dream.