True Fairy Tales: The Little Mermaid

Kids, gather around True Fairy Tales is back and today we’ll talk about Ariel, better know for her role in The Little Mermaid.

Innocent? Think twice!

Innocent? Think twice!

As you all know Ariel was a Mermaid, she was an immortal until she decided to kiss a man, but that part will come later.
Back in old days, Ariel would like to terrorize sailors, she would sing and make them lose their way until they crash against the rocks and sink.
She was a man-eater, not in the sexual-predatory-STD-distributor way but in the literal meaning of it.

Ariel without make up and after a long night of eating sailor

Ariel without make up and after a long night of eating sailors.

Once tired of eating human flesh, she got curious about what that extra limp on a man’s body was for, she asked her father and he forbade her to ever go to the surface again, being a 500 yo adolescent as she was, she of course went back to the surface, but she didn’t want to go as a Mermaid but as a maness or a woman, to see what the extra limb was for.

The Vitruvian man has 6 limbs, 5 of them on the lower body, Vitruvian woman has only 4 in the lower body.

The Vitruvian man has 6 limbs, 5 of them in the lower body, Vitruvian woman has only 4 in the lower body.

Sure enough she visited the witch of the seas and yeah, witch gave her a potion to help Ariel fulfill (never better said) her dream, and then as you all know the witch is the bad one, ha! BS if you ask me or seahorse sh*t, are there bulls in the sea? Bull crab? Bull shark?
Back to the story, I won’t tell you how cruel history has been to this width because you all know, the only thing I’ll add is that it’s very unfair.

Ariel went to the surface, drank the potion and met this sailor named Eric, she played the innocent recently converted to human mermaid and used and abused the limb, not that Eric ever complained. 4 weeks later Ariel notices her human period was late, yeah, you guessed, she was pregnant.

Horrified by the mere idea of telling her father she was going to give birth to the son of a man she visited the witch again for a clandestine abortion, to what the witch said:
“Bitch I ain’t no doing no damn abortion, you should have known better, now get the hell out my cave” 

"Bitch I ain't no doing no damn abortion, you should have known better, get the hell out my cave"

“Bitch I ain’t no doing no damn abortion, you should have known better, get the hell out my cave”

Ariel had the baby, an ugly baby boy, John McCain was named.

Ariel and Hans' baby, he was born that age.

Ariel and Hans’ baby, he was born that age.

Eric was ate by Ariel’s sister, Ariel went back to the sea where she lived until the BP Oil Spill in the Gulf of Mexico, her body was washed ashore and found by Dr Karl Shuker. picture below.

Dr Karl Shuker with Ariel's body after the BP oil spill

Dr Karl Shuker with Ariel’s body after the BP oil spill

And that kids is what happens when you eat sailors, have unprotected sex and disobey your parents, you end up as a pregnant mermaid, disowned by your family, with a baby like John McCain and killed by a BP oil spill.