Naughty Wednesday: The Pigsty

Dear Readers,

Due to life changes we have been forced to move the great and brilliant Naughty Thursdays to Wednesdays.
We apologize if this disrupts your schedule, we are working to provide you with better entertainment.

Sincerely yours,

Headmaster, Doggy’s Style 

Naughty Wednesday: The Pigsty

What you are about to read is 100% true. I didn’t embellish a single bit. If anything, I removed DIRTY details.
I’m currently sharing my office space with individuals of the swine family.
With PIGS!
No, no, not cute pigs like Babe but smelly pigs like, well, like pigs.

If these guys send their resume I'd hire them, they are cuter than the main pig.

If these guys send their resume I’d hire them, they are cuter than the main pig.

See, BO is a huge issue for me. I recently had to relinquish — scratch that — I was forced to leave my beloved desk because the person working next to me stinks like crap.
All because I wanted to be nice and not call him out on his shit (no pun intended). I was asked not to say anything, “Leo, don’t say anything, you are too mean, he’s new”

Praying doesn't work, I've tried it.

Praying doesn’t work, I’ve tried it.

See, we are all guys working here, but I set the rules for the usage of the toilet: nobody does number 2 here, nobody!
You wait till you get home or go to the nearest restaurant.
Hell yeah!

However, we have recently added new staff. These people do not work in my division which limits my power over them, hence, I can’t fire them just because they stink.

And I stink!

And he stinks! 

A week ago someone crossed the line of nastiness.
I understand dripping when you pee, but cleaning after yourself is mandatory. Nobody needs to see your “leftovers,” it’s your workplace not your pigsty!
I told them when it started to happen that they were pigs, but surprisingly nobody came forward to apologize to the rest for not having the sanitary practices expected of a civilized human being.
Now, my friends, what I found Friday in the sink was jaw dropping.
PUBIC HAIR in the fucking sink!!!!

Click to enlarge the pic and see what I saw!

Click to enlarge the pic and see what I saw!

Someone is either beating the monkey at work or washing his dick. Both are unacceptable and gross.
I summoned all the guys and asked about it. There was 1 person missing, and we all know it was that person because he’s the stinky one.

And office's restrooms are off limits.

And office restrooms are off limits.

Mind you, you would think the rest of them would talk to this guy before I do, but no, they all are cowards.
I gotta be the one doing the talking, and it’ll be my pleasure. I won’t accuse him directly because I didn’t see him (thank god!) polishing or washing his knob, but I’ll drop the bomb and the first one sweating is a goner.

What would you do?