My Neighbor a.k.a. The Playmobil Killer
I’ve finally decided to out my downstairs neighbor.
I’ve been living in this apartment for over a year, it’s a nice building right in the center of the city, but there’s something that bugs me.
Seville is not famous for its serial killers, but coming from the country with more serial killers in the world, I know my stuff.
The minute I walked in the building, the first thing the landlord said was “The guy on the second floor never uses the elevator.” I knew something was off.
About a month after I moved in, I bumped into him as he was getting back from buying big trash bags (swear to Zeus it’s true). He sorta smiled, I nodded and moved on.
Being the good Christian neighbor that I am, I started to peek into his private life to see what was going on downstairs and why he would have no furniture in his living room.
Turns out he’s a Playmobil collector, which we all know translates to “get the fuck out of that building because he’s gonna kill you and dry your body in salt and then shape you like a Playmobil with the skin left over from other victims after he has dismembered them and dissolved their bones in acid”. But I’m resilient and refuse to leave. I’ll be here waiting for the news reporters to interview me when the police find the first 30 bodies, dressed like Playmobils in his apartment.
“He would say good morning, he looked friendly, but I always knew there was something strange about him. Bless his heart,” I will say when interviewed.
You may be thinking that I’m crazy, but I bet that if you saw him you’d think “Yep….you have a person locked in your basement.”
I already told my mom I loved her and made amends with those I’ve wronged just in case next time they see me I’m under a white blanket dressed as a cowboy or an native American or a police officer, or whatever character of the Playmobil Village People collection he picks for me.
I gotta add a video, I’m sorry!
I only hope he leaves Doggy out of it.
I have to tell you someday about the time I almost dated a future serial killer.