From Pot to Heroin in a Bite
When Miss Peach told me she was applying to be a foster mom I called her all the names in the Bible, Quran and the Merriam-Webster dictionary. For the first time in my life, I sided for a couple of minutes with her family.
An unemployed school teacher who has been volunteering in Mexico (Miss Peach has never actually been to Mexico, but any place where people don’t speak English is Mexico according to her family) couldn’t provide anything nice to a foster kid. But she was determined, so I decided to support her and hope that she wouldn’t get accepted. But she did.
She was beyond excited. “I’m gonna be a mom, Leo I’m gonna be a mom!”
I let her have her moment, and then I bursted her bubble. “Well, mom, first you gotta pass the drug test and we know you smoked pot when you were dating the artist,” I said.
Now she said she had never smoked pot, which I honestly believe, and the test came back negative. But guess what…she tested positive for Opiates. I laughed my ass off. She was not a pot head, but a heroin addict. I’m dead serious, she tested positive for Opiates.
I laughed really hard, I would have loved to see her face.
It turns out, she had just eaten a lot of poppy seeds the night before — some Indian food and bagel chips with poppy seeds. She was asked to take the test later and it was negative.
And just like that, she was ready to foster her first kid. I can’t wait for her to have stories like Lil Pound Cake telling her “You are not my real mom and you never will be.”
I can see Miss Peach on the Mauri Show or on Jerry, would be nice.
Ohh lord, I’m Marquisha’s newest fan!
Some people say that babies bring blessings and joys, but Miss Peach is gonna need a lot more than that to make ends meet. The little baby didn’t come with a trust fund to share, so Miss Peach had to start looking for jobs. Just wait til you hear about that big mess.